Every time I set a table online, a small but highly motivated committee arrives to inform me that a fork, glass or napkin is several centimetres away from where it apparently lives by law.

Formal table-setting conventions do exist. They are useful because they give guests a familiar visual language: what will be used, in which order and where to find it. But formality is a scale, and personal preference is not necessarily a correction.

The point of etiquette is to make people feel comfortable. If your table is technically perfect but everyone is frightened to touch it, we have rather missed the point.

Here are the conventions worth understanding, and the areas where you can safely calm down and enjoy yourself.